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February 08, 2006

夢に学ぶ

今日見た夢はすごかった・・・・
相方との、ののしりあい・・・

相方: ×××で○※*¥@!!!だいたい、そんな言い方することないだろう!!

私: だってさ、ごうくん・・じゃない、かずくんが○※*¥@でしょう?

相方: かずくんをそんな名前で呼ぶこと自体がおかしいし、いつもそうやって○※*¥@!!

すごく悲しい気持ちで目が覚めてしまった私。
また、眠りにはついたけれど、出かけるまで不機嫌だった。

でも、車を運転しながらよく考えてみたら
私と相方は、こういうケンカを一度もしたことがない。

相手が、自分を傷つけるために苦言を呈しているわけではないし
馬鹿にして、そんな言い方をしているのではないと
信頼しているからだと思う。
議論しなければならない議題を、机の上に乗せて
それ自体について、意見を言うことができるからだと思う。

揚げ足を取ったり、言い方が気に入らないといったり
過去のことを持ち出して、傷つけあうという、
不毛な議論をしなくて済むのだ。

患者さんに、時々そんな議論に持ち込まれることがある。

そういう時、自分のプライドが邪魔をすると、
患者さんを傷つけてしまう。
火に油を注いでしまい、しこりを残す。

まず、自分が患者さんを傷つけるつもりはないこと、
軽視するつもりはないことを、示さなければいけないのだと思う。
何が原因で火がつくのか
とっさに、心の奥を見抜くことは本当に難しいけれど
相手の気持ちを揺さぶった、
自分の言葉や態度に気づかなければいけないのだと思う。

診察室に二人きり。
そんな状態で緊迫した状況になると
そうはいっても、体が硬くなりますけどね......

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Comments

夢の中の罵り合いの内容を見て…。
もしかしてHoornさん、相方さんの愛情表現に不満をもしかして抱いてるの?
もっとやきもち焼いたり、もっともっと分かるように表現して欲しいって心理があるの?
みたいに思ってしまいました。

ただ、そこから、そういった自分の仕事とかの教訓につなげていくところはさすがだなぁって感じなんですけど。

Posted by: Yokoken | February 10, 2006 at 12:23 PM

あ!なるほど。もしかして、そういう夢なんですかね、これ!?確かに、「○※*¥@!ばかっ!!わーん」みたいな激しいケンカってたまにはすっきりしますよね。その後、「ごめんね、言い過ぎた」「ぼくも。ごめんね」みたいな、スウィートな感じも、たまにはいいかしら・・・

「××と私の言い合い」っていうシチュエーションで想像する××は、必ず父か患者さんなんですよ・・・
だから、自然と「ああ、いかんなぁ」と思えてきてしまうんですね、きっと。

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