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September 23, 2005

混乱のあとに。

実家から、帰ってまいりました。

いやぁ・・・

父親、ニコニコだったんですよ・・・ちょっと気持ち悪いくらい。

相方と3人でゆっくり話をしました。

父親は、自分が聞きたかったことを、穏やかに問いかけてきました。

「今、若い君に経済力の話をしてもしょうがない部分はあると思うけど、結婚して家庭を持って、特に、子供を育てるには、君が思っている以上にお金が必要なんだよ」

「2人は違うフィールドで、それぞれの夢を追いかけなければならない。それは大変なことだよ。特に君は、自分で商売をやっていくわけだ。商売というのは、時には家庭を犠牲にして打ち込まなければいけないこともある。そうでなければ、成功は出来ないんだ。この前、家で子供を育てながら仕事をするって言ってたけど、そんなに甘いものじゃないんじゃないかな。」

「今は、それぞれの人生で優先したいことを、優先してもやってこれたと思う。でも、2人になったら、子供を持ったら、そうはいかない事もある。そのときに、『こんなはずではなかった』って、後悔することなくいられるか?」

「おまえ(わたし)が、医者以外の人間を選んだのは、同じ医者だと自分が仕事をやめなきゃいけなくなるからじゃないのか?」

私達は、真摯に答えました。

さらに、父は「こんなことを聞いていいのかは分からないが」と前置きをして、

「世間は、君のことを『髪結いの亭主』だというかもしれない。それについては、どう思っているんだ」と問いました。

相方は「・・・くやしいです」と本心を伝え

それをうけて父親は、「そうだよな。わかった、もうこれ以上そのことは聞かない」と、応援者としての口調で答えていました。

そして、父は「今まで、俺が言ったことについて、もう一度2人でちゃんと考えて欲しい」と言って話を終えました。

ふらっと屋上に上がった父は、何を思ったかウッドデッキの塗装をはじめ

「君もやるか?」と相方を誘い、

男2人で、黙々と作業をしておりました。相方も、得意分野で実技試験(!?)となったわけで、

なかなか息の合った様子でした。

ちょっと、拍子抜けしたぐらい、穏やかな訪問となりましたが

父親が、「君達の話を聞かせてくれ」という態度に出たことで

私達の将来を、本当に心配してくれているんだな、と身にしみて感じたし

これからが本当の勝負だ、と感じました。

お父さん、ありがとう。

娘として、本当に愛されているんだな、なんてちょっと泣けてきました。

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« 硬いけど美味しそう | Main | 当直ごはん »

Comments

泣けてきました。すばらしいパパ!
お二人本当におめでとう。
私はこの2年で世界観劇的変化でした。
自己実現がすごく小さい事に思えたり・・。

Posted by: y's friend | September 23, 2005 11:13 PM

とりあえず、無難に前進したみたいで良かったですね。
今回の記事の中でちょっと印象に残ったこと。

> Hoornさんが相手に医師を選ばなかったことについて
この部分について、なんかちょっと考えちゃいました。

元相方も同業は嫌だと豪語しておりました。
たまたま好きになった人が同業だったら仕方ないけど、敢えて選ばないと。
僕がもし、今後医療系へ梶を切ったならその時は絶対結婚とかせん!ってはっきりと言ってました。
他の方も、結構、「同業はねぇ~。」って言ってる女医さんが僕の知る限り多いです。
また、女性研究者とかの方も、「同業はねぇ~。」って言ってる人が結構多いみたいです。

ただ、実際の所は、同業者同士の結婚が多いのが、医療業界、また研究者とかの業界だと思います。
Hoornさんがお父様のその質問に対して、どのようにお答えになられたのか、どのようなお考えをお持ちなのか、ちょっと聞いてみたいと思いました。

Posted by: Yokoken | September 23, 2005 11:15 PM

ご両親の愛は、深いですね。
ただ、頑なに反対だけしていても突っ走っていくだろう娘の気持ちが、きっと痛いほど解っていらしたんでしょう・・・
たぶん、気持ちは変わらないでしょうけれど、もう一度二人のこれからを真剣に考えて話し合える良い機会を作ってくれたのではないでしょうか。
彼が、「くやしい」と答えた限りは、常にお父様が心配しているだろう事柄が、これからも二人の明暗を分けるできごとになるはずです。
がんばれっ!!HOORNさん!

Posted by: yukidarumako | September 24, 2005 01:38 AM

ありがとうございます皆さん。相方です。

ここにちょっと宣言。

必ず…愛方を…幸せにします。

二人で幸せになります。

PS .y's friendさん ありがとう。今度は自分の結婚式の写真を撮ります。

Posted by: アーチカ | September 24, 2005 03:33 AM

ようやく1つの山を越えられたようですね。
影ながら応援していましたよ。

今の勢いでいけば怖いもの無し!

Posted by: バブ | September 24, 2005 11:10 AM

愛方・・・ほんとにそうですね。
がんばってください、髪結の亭主さん。
きっといつかはそう言われない日が来ますよ。
おいらもいつかは・・・

なにはともあれ、よかったよかった。

Posted by: 和田草子 | September 24, 2005 11:48 AM

びだざんぼんどうにあぢがどうございばずぅぅぅ(涙)!

>y's friendさんへ
 「自己実現がすごく小さい事に」・・自分が一人じゃなくなって、特に子供が生まれたりすると、そうかもしれませんね。そういう、大きな波の中でどどぉんと、なすがままに生きる時期も大切かもしれないなぁと思いました。

>Yokokenさんへ
 「最近は同業者と結婚しても、仕事を続けていけることが多いから、仕事を続けられるかどうかは、同業者でも異業者でも関係ないよ」と答えました。実際は、Yokokenさんの言うとおり、相手は他の業者のほうがいいな、と思っています。けっこう負けず嫌いだから、プライベートで仕事の話をして、喧嘩をしたくない。仕事場でなら「議論」し合える話も、「口論」になって相手の人格まで否定するようなことになったら悲しいから・・・お互いが、お互いの仕事を、心底リスペクトできることって、幸せだと思う。

Posted by: HOORN | September 24, 2005 11:54 PM

つづき・・・
でも、だからといって、同業者を避けていたわけではありません。私にとっては純粋に、落ち着ける場所だった、ということでしょう。
 Yokokenさんの周りの女性の話を、私なりに分析すると、肩を並べて仕事をしているとはいえ、まだまだ差別的な匂いは残っていて(女性側が過敏になっているだけかもしれないけれど)、同業者と結婚した時、その匂いを家庭に持ち込まれるのが、嫌なのかもしれないですね。
 

Posted by: HOORN | September 25, 2005 12:12 AM

>yukidarumakoさんへ
 yukidarumakoさんの言うとおり、今回のことだけでなく、父親と対決する中で、「二人のこれからを真剣に考えて話し合える良い機会」を与えてもらったように思います。2人で、相当ディスカッションしました。これからのこと、子供のこと、お金のこと・・・「ディスカッション出来る」(口論ではなく)関係を築くことが出来ました。

>バブさんへ
応援、ありがとうございました。脱臼の相談だけでなく、「反対する父親で悩む者達」の相談にも乗れるかもしれません・・・

>和田さん
 ご心配をおかけしました。きっと何年後かには「あら、あの有名建築家の奥様!?」といわれるようになると思います・・・うふふ。

Posted by: HOORN | September 25, 2005 12:23 AM

親思う心にまされる親ごころ。 お二人で幸せを築いていってください。

Posted by: toorisugari | September 26, 2005 11:55 AM

>toorisugariさんへ
本当に、親心とはこういうものなんですね。自分も、子供を持った時、初めて分かるのでしょう。身を切られるような思いで反対するのも親心、黙って全てを受け入れて賛成するのも親心。感謝の気持ちを忘れてはいけないなぁと思いました。ありがとうございます。

Posted by: HOORN | September 27, 2005 09:20 PM

素敵ですね。愛方さんも、お父様も。
ご結婚に向けて、皆で意思疎通しながら、お二人の将来のことを設計できるとてもよい機会をもてましたね。おめでとうございます!

Posted by: カピ | September 28, 2005 02:41 AM

おめでとうございます。心温まるお話に、涙が出そうになっちゃいました。
私(医師)の夫も医者じゃないだけじゃなく学歴も収入も無かったので、結婚前は親との間でとっても揉めました。家を出るときは殆ど勘当状態でした。今でも自分の選択は間違っていたとは思っていませんが、HOORN先生たちの根気と勇気には、ただただ頭が下がります。
こんな前例も居ますから、大丈夫、幸せになって下さい!

Posted by: mariko | September 28, 2005 06:51 PM

>カピさんへ
父や母、弟ととことん話すことで、私たち自身の将来設計だけでなく、それぞれの結婚観だとか大切にしていることを確認しました。カピさんのおっしゃるとおり、本当にいい機会になったと思います。
>marikoさんへ
ありがとうございます!marikoさんもそうでしたね!「自分の選択は間違っていなかった。幸せになった」っていうmarikoさんの思いが、なによりもご両親へのメッセージになると思います。私も、そう信じています。

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