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May 13, 2005

窮鼠猫を噛めない

10も年上の先輩である彼女の前で

私は必ずすくみあがってしまいます。

何を言ってもぴしゃりと返されて 冷たい眼で見通されて。

とても仲のよかった時期もありました。

それを裏切ったのは私だと、彼女は言います。

「あなたには、期待しすぎていました」と。

今日、「話があるので、明日の午後電話をください」というメールが入って来ました

「話」って…何を耳にしたのだろう、何を言われるのだろう

携帯を持ったまま、場所を構わず直立不動になってしまう自分が浮かび

何を言われても真っ白になってしまって、自分では考えられなくなってしまう自分が浮かび

明日のその時間まで、こんな気分でいなければいけないこと自体が

彼女の策略ではないかと思い

非常に混乱して、いつもの思考が出来なくなってしまいました

こうやって書いては見たものの、客観視できません。
一つ事が起こるたびに、必ず誤解をひろげじたばたする自分がいます。

一本のメールで、世界が止まってしまいました。

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Comments

結局お話ってなんだったんでしょう…。
心配するのも変な話ですが、
大丈夫だったんでしょうかねぇ?

でも、窮鼠猫を噛める人って、
なかなか少ないんじゃないかなぁ~。
上手く噛まずに上手にやり過ごして行く人が、
いわゆる世渡り上手な人なのかも。

僕は絶対に世渡り下手だと思います。
Hoonさんと同じで、上の人とかに何か言われると、
慌てふためいてしまうタイプですから。

Posted by: Yokoken | May 13, 2005 at 06:25 PM

心配していただき、ありがとうございます!本当に。実は当日の朝「他の日でお願いします。また連絡します」というメールが届きました。また、先延ばしです…本当に、内容はなんなのでしょう(T-T)

Posted by: HOORN | May 14, 2005 at 12:32 AM

連絡を待ってる時間ってつらいですよね。
僕もある人からの連絡を待ち中なんですが、
なんかソワソワしちゃって、ペース狂っちゃいます。
「早く楽にしてくれ~。」って思っちゃう。

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